[ Because there's still something she's wondering about because of what he said earlier, even now.. ]
In exchange for telling you all that, it's fair for me to ask just one question too, right? [ Although she doesn't even wait for an answer, just moving on. ]
And that is.. Senji, you're not a bad person. [ It's fine if he flails or starts yelling at it since she expects as much, really, but she's at least saying it in a very serious and determined way, since it's something she knows for sure. He helped her out when she was bleeding, and then now again - regardless of his talk about killing. ] So combined with you mentioning before that the world's a screwed up place, as we apparently both know.. how would a guy like you end up in jail?
[he stops when she says wait, and he briefly wonders what she's up to then.... ah, she hears him ask about his own past. She had spilled everything about herself, but he would rather not even think about his own past- he would rather just forget about it and pretend it never happened.
....No, he can't forget, he can never forget. Even as he thinks about that question, he turns to look at her, his expression dark and he seems serious. He's.... actually considering it, and that's the closest anyone's gotten. He reaches a hand up to his face, his fingers tracing over the tattoo above his eyepatch.]
You're walkin' on thin ice there, red. I'm the worst kind of person- and just asking that kind of question makes me a little anxious. And when I get anxious I prefer to cut people up.
[ It's not difficult to sense the change in atmosphere, especially since she hasn't seen him like this before, so completely serious and.. dangerous, really. She holds in her breath for a few moments while she listens to him speak, but she knows she already can't back down anymore, not now she's asked. Ange Ushiromiya is someone who keeps going on no matter what, right? So.. ]
I'll take that risk. [ Her voice is not exactly deadpan anymore by now, as if she's put the screwing around behind her - instead it's firm, determined, her gaze unwavering even if she has a slightly nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach from seeing that expression, even if she tries to surpress the feeling. ] I've had worse.
[People get to know him and they know deep down he's good, somewhere inside. But he has layers of hatred for this world, sadistic wanting for blood and fighting- all because of what he's seen and been through. She is very close to being killed, sure- others have asked him but none have ever been so straightforward in wanting his full back story.
Fuck her. Fuck her and her story. She told him everything and he hates feeling like this is just uneven.]
You're lucky. You're damn lucky that I've grown soft.
....There was an earthquake ten years ago. It rocked all of Japan and it even sunk most of Tokyo. After that, there were some that could use that skill- to control their blood. Of course, due to that crime was through the roof. I took it upon myself to try and help out, becoming a cop when I was eighteen and using my Branch of Sin to fight those fuckers that ran around and beat up children, that raped women.
The other cops were corrupt though, they killed these people instead of remember what their job is, to keep the peace and bring justice down upon them. Only me and my four other friends were the good ones in the precinct We attacked but we didn't kill- we took them to jail.
....'Course, this didn't go over well with the gangs. They hated me and my friends because we were some good cops. Even the other policemen didn't like us because we made the gangs hate us. My friends.... they were like family to me- the only goddamn family I have.
Then... one day I got a letter. [He pauses, clicking his tongue and growing more angry as the moments went on.]
[ There's somewhat a sense of relief once he starts talking, even though she knows she's not fully done with that - it's easy to notice that his tone is still like that even as he talks and only grows more and more angry, so for once instead of just being deadpan as usual, Ange is looking a bit more genuinely serious as she listens.
... A cop, huh..? Imagining him doing that sort of thing isn't too difficult - fighting those people who were doing the wrong thing, who were hurting others.. even if he does talk about killing much more now, but she's sure that's what follows in the story. The fact that he's from such a world doesn't surprise her much though, Ange definitely knows how corrupt people can be, killing others for money and the like.. it's only natural people would even get worse and worse in their crimes under those circumstances. ]
A letter? [ Yeah, she's not going to say much for now - she is still on thin ice, after all, so she's just more.. prompting him to go on. ]
[He glances away from her now, not even wanting to think about what happened next but... he came this far.]
The letter was callin' me out. It was telling me to go to this place and meet with a gang, and I felt like finally I'd get a chance to show my chief what I was made of- and I would handle it. That's what.... adults do after all, have people rely on 'em and handle shit for themselves. My chief said I was still too young though, he punched me in the stomach and I couldn't move on the ground for a while. My four friends went instead of me.... and by the time I got to them....
[He pauses..... dammit, this is the fucking worst.]
By the time I fuckin' got to them- three of them were dead and my chief was just a fucking torso with a head. He was still alive somehow, and they made sure to do the same to my other friends.... just ripped off their limbs and tore them apart like they were all some goddamn animals. When I saw that I just broke down, and my chief was still talking to me... and I just remember screaming at him that it shoulda been me.
They were good guys, they didn't deserve to die. I was the one that was called out, I was relying on them the entire goddamn time- and because I was so fucking childish they all died. After that I spent a year trying to find their killer, and in the end I was tossed in prison under false charges and was expected to kill people in a ring. I didn't care, I just wanted to kill people after that.... I had to take my anger out on somethin'.
[ She's quiet for a few moments even as he stops talking, as if she's still thinking about it. Yeah, that sort of story actually.. does explain a lot about him. Some things definitely make more sense like this, but it's not just that. It's a horrible story, but-- it's exactly that she can almost relate a little, or at least understand a little better when comparing it to her own experiences. She too knows what it's like to suddenly lose the people most important to you, knowing they were killed yet not by who, and trying to look for that.. and with the way he's talking, it's as if he probably blames himself for it too, just like she did with her own family. Because she should have stopped them somehow, then it wouldn't have happened. But for him it must have been even worse, since they specifically went out for his sake, because he was originally the one called out, and then..
Of course, there's no use trying to say which story is worse, since they're both horrible in their own way, and even if she knows he said before he didn't want pity.. maybe this isn't as much pity as it's sympathy. ]
... Sorry, Senji. That must have felt.. [ are there even words for it? well, she's sure he understands the sentiment. ] ... horrible. To see people important to you die, and feel like it's your fault..
[ it is a horrible feeling, and she knows it - her tone suggests it, but she doesn't fully say it out loud. ]
But.. thank you for telling me. [ and she honestly means that, since it's easy to see how much trouble he has with it. ]
[It's not like he told her because he actually wanted her to know all about his past.... he just didn't like feeling so unbalanced, almost like he owed her something. He shrugs when she says sorry and thanks. What more can be said about it? He used to hate everyone, he used to enjoy that feeling of cutting people up and watching them bleed to death. He still feels some satisfaction out of it, but it's not as strong as it used to be before meeting with Ganta.]
....S'okay. I found the killer anyways, he tried to attack me in prison and he nearly killed me. I had to cut myself up pretty good to draw more blood out of me and slice the fucker up.
And that's exactly the reason why Shu pisses me off so much- the little shit. I keep tellin' him to move on and try to get away from feeling so sorry for himself and relying so much on others- an attitude like that will only get not only himself, but others hurt.
[ Whatever, she didn't expect him to do much more than shrug - even if she was honest in everything she said. But at least he managed to find the killer and do something about it, right? She's just still completely in the dark as to what happened on Rokkenjima, even in this place she has no clue.. ]
If it's about Shu, I feel he's almost like a hopeless case though, you know. I've already tried to help him out a few times with it, but it seems he truly won't change no matter what. He's a little like my older brother in that regard.
[A sigh, and he just crosses his arms.] And is he? So you're brother is just as useless as Shu? I feel sorry for you, you sure didn't turn out to be some hopeless case...
You'd know it from the very moment you'd meet him, really. Although I think Shu is a tad worse, he was even downright crying that time in the amusement park..
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[ Because there's still something she's wondering about because of what he said earlier, even now.. ]
In exchange for telling you all that, it's fair for me to ask just one question too, right? [ Although she doesn't even wait for an answer, just moving on. ]
And that is.. Senji, you're not a bad person. [ It's fine if he flails or starts yelling at it since she expects as much, really, but she's at least saying it in a very serious and determined way, since it's something she knows for sure. He helped her out when she was bleeding, and then now again - regardless of his talk about killing. ] So combined with you mentioning before that the world's a screwed up place, as we apparently both know.. how would a guy like you end up in jail?
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....No, he can't forget, he can never forget. Even as he thinks about that question, he turns to look at her, his expression dark and he seems serious. He's.... actually considering it, and that's the closest anyone's gotten. He reaches a hand up to his face, his fingers tracing over the tattoo above his eyepatch.]
You're walkin' on thin ice there, red. I'm the worst kind of person- and just asking that kind of question makes me a little anxious. And when I get anxious I prefer to cut people up.
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I'll take that risk. [ Her voice is not exactly deadpan anymore by now, as if she's put the screwing around behind her - instead it's firm, determined, her gaze unwavering even if she has a slightly nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach from seeing that expression, even if she tries to surpress the feeling. ] I've had worse.
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Fuck her. Fuck her and her story. She told him everything and he hates feeling like this is just uneven.]
You're lucky. You're damn lucky that I've grown soft.
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The other cops were corrupt though, they killed these people instead of remember what their job is, to keep the peace and bring justice down upon them. Only me and my four other friends were the good ones in the precinct We attacked but we didn't kill- we took them to jail.
....'Course, this didn't go over well with the gangs. They hated me and my friends because we were some good cops. Even the other policemen didn't like us because we made the gangs hate us. My friends.... they were like family to me- the only goddamn family I have.
Then... one day I got a letter. [He pauses, clicking his tongue and growing more angry as the moments went on.]
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... A cop, huh..? Imagining him doing that sort of thing isn't too difficult - fighting those people who were doing the wrong thing, who were hurting others.. even if he does talk about killing much more now, but she's sure that's what follows in the story. The fact that he's from such a world doesn't surprise her much though, Ange definitely knows how corrupt people can be, killing others for money and the like.. it's only natural people would even get worse and worse in their crimes under those circumstances. ]
A letter? [ Yeah, she's not going to say much for now - she is still on thin ice, after all, so she's just more.. prompting him to go on. ]
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The letter was callin' me out. It was telling me to go to this place and meet with a gang, and I felt like finally I'd get a chance to show my chief what I was made of- and I would handle it. That's what.... adults do after all, have people rely on 'em and handle shit for themselves. My chief said I was still too young though, he punched me in the stomach and I couldn't move on the ground for a while. My four friends went instead of me.... and by the time I got to them....
[He pauses..... dammit, this is the fucking worst.]
By the time I fuckin' got to them- three of them were dead and my chief was just a fucking torso with a head. He was still alive somehow, and they made sure to do the same to my other friends.... just ripped off their limbs and tore them apart like they were all some goddamn animals. When I saw that I just broke down, and my chief was still talking to me... and I just remember screaming at him that it shoulda been me.
They were good guys, they didn't deserve to die. I was the one that was called out, I was relying on them the entire goddamn time- and because I was so fucking childish they all died. After that I spent a year trying to find their killer, and in the end I was tossed in prison under false charges and was expected to kill people in a ring. I didn't care, I just wanted to kill people after that.... I had to take my anger out on somethin'.
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Of course, there's no use trying to say which story is worse, since they're both horrible in their own way, and even if she knows he said before he didn't want pity.. maybe this isn't as much pity as it's sympathy. ]
... Sorry, Senji. That must have felt.. [ are there even words for it? well, she's sure he understands the sentiment. ] ... horrible. To see people important to you die, and feel like it's your fault..
[ it is a horrible feeling, and she knows it - her tone suggests it, but she doesn't fully say it out loud. ]
But.. thank you for telling me. [ and she honestly means that, since it's easy to see how much trouble he has with it. ]
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....S'okay. I found the killer anyways, he tried to attack me in prison and he nearly killed me. I had to cut myself up pretty good to draw more blood out of me and slice the fucker up.
And that's exactly the reason why Shu pisses me off so much- the little shit. I keep tellin' him to move on and try to get away from feeling so sorry for himself and relying so much on others- an attitude like that will only get not only himself, but others hurt.
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If it's about Shu, I feel he's almost like a hopeless case though, you know. I've already tried to help him out a few times with it, but it seems he truly won't change no matter what. He's a little like my older brother in that regard.
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[A sigh, and he just crosses his arms.] And is he? So you're brother is just as useless as Shu? I feel sorry for you, you sure didn't turn out to be some hopeless case...
[a compliment from senji, really.]
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You'd know it from the very moment you'd meet him, really. Although I think Shu is a tad worse, he was even downright crying that time in the amusement park..
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I think people forget I'm a criminal sometimes. I've been yelled at over the network for being in prison even- like I even care though.
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I mean, for a person like you.. if they don't bother to get to know you, surely all they'll see is some sort of criminal.
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