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havenrpg
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Threads for roommates or in-person stuff can also be started here. ]
Threads for roommates or in-person stuff can also be started here. ]
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Why? Because she's the one that's suffering in front of him and it aggravates him, actually. he doesn't get why he feels so annoyed by all this but he really does. He doesn't even hear what she muttered.]
If you're gonna talk, speak up. [his voice is low, a whisper, almost dangerous in a sense from how irritated he feels.]
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But on the other hand.. It's like the feeling of his firm back against hers gives her a little more strength, a little more courage. Maybe he won't think it's that weird.. she straightens herself, still sitting, but at least upright again now. She puts her hands next to her on the ground, to her sides, as if she's supporting herself like this now. ]
I said.. it's not like Battler onii-chan is the only thing that can make me happy. After all, it's not like I've been exactly unhappy lately.. [ But the part she truly said just now the most difficult part-- ] ... You made me happy, Senji.
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....Oh.
Senji's eye widened at that when he heard her say that, and he's the one that feels his face go a little red at that. He feels flushed when she said that, and he's just oh so grateful that they're sitting like this so she really can't see anything here, can't see just how red he is. He clears his throat, moving to speak but he feels like he can't find the right words, for once. Usually he always has something to say but this is just.... just so difficult.
Senji moves to place his hands down on the ground beside him as well, and since he can't really speak right now, his heart pounding so loudly in his chest he just brings a hand back, sliding it slightly across the ground until it reaches her own hand. It takes him a moment, he inhales deeply before he takes the plunge here, he moves his hand just slightly so his pinky finger is on top of hers. Their hands are touching but it's not like it's hand holding or anything, just the slightest touch and even that much sends a chill up his spine.
He can do this now, he can find the courage while their hands touch.]
You're..... the only one that was really concerned for me when I went missin', you know? Others asked what happened but they never really showed they were worried or anything, so when I heard your reactions, saw all that too, and even realized just how much you're relyin' on me that....
....That all made me happy too. [he grunts a bit.] Haven't felt that way since before prison, actually.
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It makes her own face grow completely red too, and she's so glad too that they aren't facing each other right now. Her chest fills with such a warm feeling and she's pretty sure her heart might beat its way out of her chest with how fast it's going.
And it's just that slightest touch and the way it makes her feel that makes Ange realise that just maybe, all of this has been so strange all this time since she doesn't exactly like Senji as just a friend. Or even just as someone really important to her. But the thought is so new and weird that she just immediately shoves it back to think over later. It's almost like it's too difficult to think about now. Even with the way she currently feels. For now just this is fine, if she can just make him feel a little more the way he deserves to feel, it's alright. What wouldn't he think if she said it, either way.. Especially without thinking. ]
Of course I went looking for you.. of course I was really worried about you. When you suddenly disappeared that night and you weren't there in the morning, while I knew people kept being killed.. I was so scared.
[ It's okay to admit it now. It's okay when it's just the two of them, and he's even facing away from her.. ]
.. The thought of losing you was such a painful and hollow feeling. I just felt it swallowing me back then.
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So this might just be some kind of mistake, but even so he's still going along with it. He closes his eye and thinks about what she just said, and of course if she died he would have felt the same, no doubt about it.]
If you died.... then probably all of Haven would have been cut up by now. I know if you would have been killed I woulda taken my anger out on everyone and chopped them all up, no doubt about it. [so she needs to live, no matter what.]
You relyin' on me and all.... I feel it, I feel that heavy weight deep down inside me.
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Ange gathers all the courage she has and instead of him she is the one to move her hand this time. Not away from him though, but instead her hand slowly and carefully moves until it's fully slipped under his' instead of just having those few fingers on it. And her heart just pounds, pounds, pounds.. ]
You are the only one I can rely on for sure. [ Not that she hasn't talked to other people here, but Ange just forever has trust issues, so it takes her a while to fully trust them - and they aren't anywhere close yet to the level she trusts Senji on. ] .. If something like that happened to you again, then.. I wouldn't know what to do again, so..
[ Her voice trails off. But it's obvious what she wanted to say, right? He has to stay alive too, no matter what. She wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise. ]
replies so fast before school
It was such a weird feeling, that feeling of being wanted again, that feeling that maybe he belonged somewhere, belonged with someone... but even so, he was someone that she shouldn't have even gotten that close to in the first place, he's far too dangerous for her, that much is true. They're good as friends, more than that? No, no way.]
...So since you're alive and well in this place you should be allowed to be selfish. [so tell your brother who you are!!]
You might get mad at me when I say you can't do things like go to Haven North on your own, but it's just 'cause you're someone I want to keep alive the most.... [the most important person to him right now, really.]
replies so you can read at school *u*
It's since they both know what it's like to lose everything and be completely cast out by the world, huh? And even if that isn't true, then she still knows it's true that she really just wants to stay with him, that she wants their days in this place to continue..
But the more she thinks about her words, the more easily she suddenly blurts it out, their backs still to each other-- ]
Moron, it's since all this time you've already been the person I wanted to see alive the most, so I didn't want you to go off on your own and maybe never come back..!
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Hah....?
[Senji turned, looking over his shoulder now, staring at her and he seemed to be, well, pretty irritated by that.]
Are you tryin' to say I ain't strong enough? You know I always come back!
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That's not what I meant.. I know you're strong, Senji. You're stronger than anyone else I know. [ Even as she says it, she doesn't turn around so their gazes can meet. Her voice is still a little softer than usually too. ] .. It's just.. well, you know what happened to you. Sometimes strength just doesn't matter in this place.
[ .. Slowly her hands form fists at her side, and now she finally turns to look over her shoulder too, although she isn't angry or anything, more like just.. upset, maybe. ]
.. And it's since my family left like that too one day and never came back..! [ It's why she has to watch over Battler now he's here too. She's already told herself that. Even if he doesn't know she's Ange, she's still going to protect him with all she has. ]
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It was just one time, it won't happen again either way.]
What are you tryin' to say? I'm as close to you as your family or some shit? Don't give me that. [he wouldn't believe her anyways, he's never been that important to anyone, he was always the little runt that had to cling to everyone else to feel like he was a hot-shot, but that's not who he is anymore.]
I'm not just training for myself anymore anyways! [he was feeling a little heated too, gritting his teeth at the thought of not being strong.]
Dumbass, maybe there are other reasons now that I wanna be stronger, ever think of that?! Yeah sure, I'm still doin' it for myself so I won't have to rely on anyone, but with you relyin' on me I have to get stronger so you can keep on relyin' on me!
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But the thought stops. Since she hears what he shouts at the end there. He's not only training for himself, but.. for her too..? Since she said she'd rely on him? So he can keep on fighting and living, and so he can protect her too..?
At least it cancels out the fear. But it doesn't stop the other emotions. ]
... You're.. just as important to me as my family. [ It comes out slowly, her own emotion more akin to sadness than anger. But isn't that how it usually is for them? It's even obvious in her expression since they're still looking at each other like this. ]
It's not a lie. I already said I wouldn't know what to do if you would have died for real, right..? It's since it'd be like that time I lost my family all over again.
[ Even if the feeling is slightly different.. it's still obvious that it's just as important as what she feels for her family, really. ]
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Senji simply stared at her after she said that, not believing what he was hearing at all. She.... really considered him to be that important, just as important as the family she lost twelve years ago?
He had a moment where he gave her a slack-jawed stare but the he closed his mouth, feeling a blush rise up to his face. Suddenly he was feeling so red again just like he had when he first touched her hand, but now she's at least able to see it.]
Y.... you...
[Well if she left then it would be like his cop friends all over again so.... he could actually say the same. But then he just turned around quickly again, not wanting her to see him at all.]
...Those are some powerful words, red.
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.. No. She knows she shouldn't hope for much. There's no way he feels the exact same way about her, right? Even if she's important, even so.. Ange gulps before trying to get herself in control more again. ]
Says the guy who just said he's becoming stronger so I can keep relying on him. [ Because those words were powerful too, Senji!
She fiddles with the ring on her finger again, before she takes it off entirely. Then she rolls it over the ground backwards towards him, that ring with the one-winged eagle on it. ]
.. That's why.. I'll rely on you to take care of this for me for a little bit. Battler onii-chan asked to meet up with 'Gretel' in a while. [ And while she could try to explain the arm band, she can't do the same about the one-of-a-kind ring. ]
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...It has that mark on it, that eagle, so this is something related to her family even? It must be really important and all so.... she's giving it to him? Aw man, he could feel his heart pounding against his chest and he cursed himself for feeling this way, he felt so impossibly vulnerable and he hated it.
This was way too weird for him.
But he still stayed with his back to her, not moving yet.]
Fine.... I'll keep it, but you will tell him you're Ange eventually, that kind of secret won't be kept here for long, I know it.
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[ She doesn't want to tell him. Or rather, she wants to, but she knows she shouldn't - so she won't. Even if it's true that someone might tell him sooner or later, but maybe she can just make up an excuse by then, or.. well, anything else. It's something to think of later. But Ange is just stubborn once she's set her mind on something, really, just like in this case.
And she should leave already to go see Battler, but.. whatever. Not like he'll realise how time passes here, it's impossible to tell without text for clocks. She can just claim she was right in time all along.
Just so.. until then, she can sit here for a little more, with him, their backs against each other..
A breath. ] Thanks, Senji.