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[ .. Hah. Honestly, since she isolated herself for a while to think about the whole implications of Battler being here and all, she didn't really expect anyone to come looking for her. Or even contact her. But as she's sitting on one of the empty rooftops, she suddenly notices the old phone lying next to her on the roof going off.

She looks at it. Senji-- .. he's calling her? Well, if it's him, then she'll pick up despite being lost in her own thoughts. ]

Huh? [ It comes out instinctively. Sure, she's been worried about him and looking for him a few times by now, but.. it's strange when he's suddenly doing it in return for her now. She ends up staring in surprise at her phone for a moment before she properly replies. She can't not tell him where she is, keeping secrets from Senji has felt too weird for a while already now. ]

... One of the buildings near the billboard. I'm on the roof.

[...She was on a building? What was going on?

Well, he didn't really need a full on explanation, he really had an idea what was going on here. He talked to Battler too, he could tell that the guy didn't know who Ange was here and that she was in Haven. She was referred to as Gretel and all- so there's just some weird timeline shit going on.

Senji doesn't say anything else, he just goes to where she said, climbing the stairs and eventually he made it to the roof. He spotted her there, sitting there and just.... looking so defeated, actually.

He walked over to her, his hands in his pockets and he frowned further.]

Were you tryin' to run away from me by being up here? [well, if she really wants to be alone he'll go, but not before saying some encouraging words.]

[ Yeah, she's just sitting there all along on top of that rooftop, her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around them as she leans on them and is seemingly deeply in thought about something. When she hears the footsteps though and then the voice, she turns her head over her shoulder so she can peer. Yeah, it's definitely Senji - and then it's fine, she doesn't mind if he's the one who sees her like this. He's seen her much worse, the sadness is just a quiet sort of contemplativeness right now either way. ]

.. Why would I run away from you only to tell you right after it where I'm hanging out? [ Of course logic is her first retort, but she can't fully keep it up right now and instead she sighs as she looks away again, back in front of her into the horizon. ] I just wanted somewhere quiet to think. I wouldn't just run away from you.

[...Well alright.

Senji sighs a little as well, just looking down at her form, her back to him and she just seemed so... Well, depressed. If it were anyone else he wouldn't care, he really would never go out of his way to help them at all but this was Ange, this was someone he could say he was pretty close to. A friend? Yeah she was, but that almost didn't seem like the right word anymore.

Even so, he just looked around, moving to sit down with her as well, only his back was to her.]

You know... I have a feeling I know what this is all about. Your brother is here... but it seems like he doesn't know you.

[ She can hear him sitting down, although she doesn't look over her shoulder again to see how he's sitting there, so she doesn't know he's not even looking at her right now. She's still too half-sunken away in her own thoughts either way. ]

Yeah. [ Her reply comes a little softly, half-muffled against her legs before she raises her head a little again to look into the distance. ] He's from the same point in time as that witch is, it seems. So he doesn't know who I am. And.. [ ... ] I don't want to tell him either.

[ Normally she wouldn't say this much, she wouldn't admit to feeling bad, instead saying she's fine, but.. she can tell him. She knows that. ]

It'll just mess up things back home, timelines or whatever. So even if he'll be here without knowing I'm his sister.. that's fine.

[Huh, so it really is about Battler. Senji is someone that doesn't have family anymore either, he maybe had something close to it once but those guys were killed due to his own selfishness.

Senji grunts a little, and he might be scooting closer to her...]

Are you sure that's fine? He won't know that you're his sister and all. [...scoots a liiiitle closer, so now Ange might feel Senji's back against her own.]

[ It's that feeling that makes her realise how he's sitting there. Or, well, how he's sitting here by now. It's obvious that it's his back that she can feel against her own here on the abandoned rooftop. It's a strangely comforting gesture, it feels her that he really is here, she can even feel it - but at the same time she doesn't have to literally face anyone while talking about her problems, which makes it a little more easy to be open. But honestly.. with Senji it just hasn't been that difficult in general lately anyore, right? Just sometimes at most. ]

.. I'm sure. [ Her voice does sound determined, despite being a little softer and sadder than usually, like it's more open. ] Both Battler onii-chan's safety and his return back home to the six year old Ange that's waiting there for him.. even if that girl is not me, it's still more important than my selfish desire to spend time with my older brother.

[Hm. Senji listens to what she says, and it's easier for him too. He does give out advice to people, he does want to help them sometimes- to see that they need to change for the better or for them to get over their own self-righteousness, but with Ange it's another issue entirely.

She's too stubborn and too selfless when it comes to her brother, so finding true happiness is hard for her.]

...He's here now though, and who knows how long he'll be here for. If he's in Haven then there's no tellin' what will happen to him, he could die just like I did before. It would help him out to know that even in a place like this he has family, he has his sister and she's willin' to stay by his side during all this fucked up shit.

So I say you should be selfish, just this once. You deserve to be happy too, Ange.

[ Her hand moves to the ring on her finger of the other hand, the symbol of her family, fiddling with it a little as she thinks. Senji is right about Battler being in danger here too, but.. she can try to help him even if he won't know who she really is. As 'Gretel' she can still be his ally, still protect him, so.. he'll be fine. She'll make sure of that.

But that last part.. of course she wants to be happy. More than anything, after all these long years.. but she's dead. She can't ever go back home. Battler's the one who still has a chance to, she shouldn't take it away from him just since she misses him or whatever. She can't let herself do that ever. ]

As long as there's an 'Ange' out there who gets to be happy, then that's fine. I'm fine with just being glad for her sake.

[ .. There's a pause, and she lowers her head so it's basically almost against her knees, so the next words she says are incredibly difficult to hear - muttered and muffled. But she did definitely say something more here. ]

[Senji grimaced even more, not liking what she was saying one bit. He realizes that it might mess things up, that Battler will know who she is and when he goes back then things could get messy but... the Ange here, the Ange that's in Haven, that's the only one he even gives a fuck about. He doesn't care about the other ones out there, he cares about the one that's so close to him, the one that he can feel against his back.

Why? Because she's the one that's suffering in front of him and it aggravates him, actually. he doesn't get why he feels so annoyed by all this but he really does. He doesn't even hear what she muttered.]

If you're gonna talk, speak up. [his voice is low, a whisper, almost dangerous in a sense from how irritated he feels.]

[ .. Speak up? She barely even realised that she had said that out loud, even with as muttered as it was. It had been more of a thought, really, something passing through her head that she definitely couldn't say out loud. ... Yeah, she really can't say it, can she? Since it's so embarassing, and he'll probably think it's weird..

But on the other hand.. It's like the feeling of his firm back against hers gives her a little more strength, a little more courage. Maybe he won't think it's that weird.. she straightens herself, still sitting, but at least upright again now. She puts her hands next to her on the ground, to her sides, as if she's supporting herself like this now. ]

I said.. it's not like Battler onii-chan is the only thing that can make me happy. After all, it's not like I've been exactly unhappy lately.. [ But the part she truly said just now the most difficult part-- ] ... You made me happy, Senji.

[Wha-...

....Oh.

Senji's eye widened at that when he heard her say that, and he's the one that feels his face go a little red at that. He feels flushed when she said that, and he's just oh so grateful that they're sitting like this so she really can't see anything here, can't see just how red he is. He clears his throat, moving to speak but he feels like he can't find the right words, for once. Usually he always has something to say but this is just.... just so difficult.

Senji moves to place his hands down on the ground beside him as well, and since he can't really speak right now, his heart pounding so loudly in his chest he just brings a hand back, sliding it slightly across the ground until it reaches her own hand. It takes him a moment, he inhales deeply before he takes the plunge here, he moves his hand just slightly so his pinky finger is on top of hers. Their hands are touching but it's not like it's hand holding or anything, just the slightest touch and even that much sends a chill up his spine.

He can do this now, he can find the courage while their hands touch.]

You're..... the only one that was really concerned for me when I went missin', you know? Others asked what happened but they never really showed they were worried or anything, so when I heard your reactions, saw all that too, and even realized just how much you're relyin' on me that....

....That all made me happy too. [he grunts a bit.] Haven't felt that way since before prison, actually.

[ One of the two things would already have been enough to completely surprise her. Either the fact that he made their hands touch just slightly like that (and it definitely wasn't a mistake, she knows he would have quickly pulled away otherwise) or the fact that he actually said those words.. It isn't like how he usually acts at all. Sure, Ange knows about herself that she's actually weaker underneath the way she acts, that she can say sappy stuff like that too sometimes since they're her deepest truest feelings, but to actually hear him say something sappy in return like that, and feeling his finger on top of hers, no matter how small and silly the gesture..

It makes her own face grow completely red too, and she's so glad too that they aren't facing each other right now. Her chest fills with such a warm feeling and she's pretty sure her heart might beat its way out of her chest with how fast it's going.

And it's just that slightest touch and the way it makes her feel that makes Ange realise that just maybe, all of this has been so strange all this time since she doesn't exactly like Senji as just a friend. Or even just as someone really important to her. But the thought is so new and weird that she just immediately shoves it back to think over later. It's almost like it's too difficult to think about now. Even with the way she currently feels. For now just this is fine, if she can just make him feel a little more the way he deserves to feel, it's alright. What wouldn't he think if she said it, either way.. Especially without thinking. ]

Of course I went looking for you.. of course I was really worried about you. When you suddenly disappeared that night and you weren't there in the morning, while I knew people kept being killed.. I was so scared.

[ It's okay to admit it now. It's okay when it's just the two of them, and he's even facing away from her.. ]

.. The thought of losing you was such a painful and hollow feeling. I just felt it swallowing me back then.

[Well... she's not pulling away from him, right? That just means that she's okay with what he's doing.... r-right? So as she talks Senji moves his hand a little bit more, and now two of his fingers are on her hand, and he's still feeling so impossibly flustered from just this much, he really can't handle women that easily. He might be doing something bad here though, he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea and think that they have something more here, even though he knows they really do, but she just.... can't be with him, no matter how much they like each other he'll always protest against it.

So this might just be some kind of mistake, but even so he's still going along with it. He closes his eye and thinks about what she just said, and of course if she died he would have felt the same, no doubt about it.]

If you died.... then probably all of Haven would have been cut up by now. I know if you would have been killed I woulda taken my anger out on everyone and chopped them all up, no doubt about it. [so she needs to live, no matter what.]

You relyin' on me and all.... I feel it, I feel that heavy weight deep down inside me.

Edited 2013-02-06 03:11 (UTC)

[ Her breathing is really quiet as she just sits there and slowly feels his hand moving a little closer to hers yet again, as if there's some sort of tension or atmosphere that even breathing could break right now. So instead she's just quiet, and she listens to what he's saying - he really would have been that upset if she died..? That would be just as upset as she was about him dying, after all, she still recalls the shock and pain she felt, how she cried on Asuna and Ciel.. it was definitely shameful, normally she'd never do it, but she couldn't help it in this case. She couldn't stop her emotions or the pain.. and then it's the same for him, even if they express their pain differently. She knows Senji gets extremely angry rather than extremely sad like she does. So he does care just as much as she does..

Ange gathers all the courage she has and instead of him she is the one to move her hand this time. Not away from him though, but instead her hand slowly and carefully moves until it's fully slipped under his' instead of just having those few fingers on it. And her heart just pounds, pounds, pounds.. ]

You are the only one I can rely on for sure. [ Not that she hasn't talked to other people here, but Ange just forever has trust issues, so it takes her a while to fully trust them - and they aren't anywhere close yet to the level she trusts Senji on. ] .. If something like that happened to you again, then.. I wouldn't know what to do again, so..

[ Her voice trails off. But it's obvious what she wanted to say, right? He has to stay alive too, no matter what. She wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise. ]

[Oh god, now she's slipping her entire hand underneath his own? Senji gulps when he feels her doing that, he had to swallow down his prude nature here, he didn't want to suddenly freak out on her and just make everything worse in this kind of situation. Yeah, he knows that he needs to stay alive, his will to live is through the roof, but even more so now that he understands just how much she needs him to be alive.

It was such a weird feeling, that feeling of being wanted again, that feeling that maybe he belonged somewhere, belonged with someone... but even so, he was someone that she shouldn't have even gotten that close to in the first place, he's far too dangerous for her, that much is true. They're good as friends, more than that? No, no way.]

...So since you're alive and well in this place you should be allowed to be selfish. [so tell your brother who you are!!]

You might get mad at me when I say you can't do things like go to Haven North on your own, but it's just 'cause you're someone I want to keep alive the most.... [the most important person to him right now, really.]

[ He wants to keep her alive... After everything that happened in her life, this is actually the first time she's been told that. Sure, she's been told to just go ahead and die so many times - both her aunts told her it, the witches told her it, her classmates told her it.. basically everywhere she went she only came across people wishing she was just dead. But now there's finally the first time she hears the opposite, someone just wishing she'd stay alive..

It's since they both know what it's like to lose everything and be completely cast out by the world, huh? And even if that isn't true, then she still knows it's true that she really just wants to stay with him, that she wants their days in this place to continue..

But the more she thinks about her words, the more easily she suddenly blurts it out, their backs still to each other-- ]

Moron, it's since all this time you've already been the person I wanted to see alive the most, so I didn't want you to go off on your own and maybe never come back..!

[...What the fuck, when she says something like that it almost sounds like she's saying he's weak or something. Senji takes his hand away from her, frowning now at the very thought of what she said and the possible implications.]

Hah....?

[Senji turned, looking over his shoulder now, staring at her and he seemed to be, well, pretty irritated by that.]

Are you tryin' to say I ain't strong enough? You know I always come back!

[ She's a little surprised when she noticed she actually feels disappointed at the sudden lack of his warmth on her own hand. And something about his irritation while she was already emotional to begin with right now almost feels like it stabs her. ]

That's not what I meant.. I know you're strong, Senji. You're stronger than anyone else I know. [ Even as she says it, she doesn't turn around so their gazes can meet. Her voice is still a little softer than usually too. ] .. It's just.. well, you know what happened to you. Sometimes strength just doesn't matter in this place.

[ .. Slowly her hands form fists at her side, and now she finally turns to look over her shoulder too, although she isn't angry or anything, more like just.. upset, maybe. ]

.. And it's since my family left like that too one day and never came back..! [ It's why she has to watch over Battler now he's here too. She's already told herself that. Even if he doesn't know she's Ange, she's still going to protect him with all she has. ]

[He doesn't mean to take a jab at her like this, he doesn't mean to make her more emotional, but when he's trying so damn hard here to get her to realize some things and she implies that he's not even strong enough to stay alive....

It was just one time, it won't happen again either way.]

What are you tryin' to say? I'm as close to you as your family or some shit? Don't give me that. [he wouldn't believe her anyways, he's never been that important to anyone, he was always the little runt that had to cling to everyone else to feel like he was a hot-shot, but that's not who he is anymore.]

I'm not just training for myself anymore anyways! [he was feeling a little heated too, gritting his teeth at the thought of not being strong.]

Dumbass, maybe there are other reasons now that I wanna be stronger, ever think of that?! Yeah sure, I'm still doin' it for myself so I won't have to rely on anyone, but with you relyin' on me I have to get stronger so you can keep on relyin' on me!

[ .. It's strange. Normally she's never cared what people said to her. Sure, she might have cared inside, but she never showed it - and even caring on the inside just faded away when it came to most people. But when he of all people is shouting at her, her stomach turns and twists. What if he really gets mad enough to suddenly go away, what if he'll--

But the thought stops. Since she hears what he shouts at the end there. He's not only training for himself, but.. for her too..? Since she said she'd rely on him? So he can keep on fighting and living, and so he can protect her too..?

At least it cancels out the fear. But it doesn't stop the other emotions. ]

... You're.. just as important to me as my family. [ It comes out slowly, her own emotion more akin to sadness than anger. But isn't that how it usually is for them? It's even obvious in her expression since they're still looking at each other like this. ]

It's not a lie. I already said I wouldn't know what to do if you would have died for real, right..? It's since it'd be like that time I lost my family all over again.

[ Even if the feeling is slightly different.. it's still obvious that it's just as important as what she feels for her family, really. ]

[....Hah?!

Senji simply stared at her after she said that, not believing what he was hearing at all. She.... really considered him to be that important, just as important as the family she lost twelve years ago?

He had a moment where he gave her a slack-jawed stare but the he closed his mouth, feeling a blush rise up to his face. Suddenly he was feeling so red again just like he had when he first touched her hand, but now she's at least able to see it.]

Y.... you...

[Well if she left then it would be like his cop friends all over again so.... he could actually say the same. But then he just turned around quickly again, not wanting her to see him at all.]

...Those are some powerful words, red.

[ She stares at him as slowly his reaction is visible on his face. At first she doesn't really realise it, she's too caught up in her own words, but then she suddenly notices just how he was just staring in surprise, and.. then he's even blushing, right? That's definitely a blush, and..

.. No. She knows she shouldn't hope for much. There's no way he feels the exact same way about her, right? Even if she's important, even so.. Ange gulps before trying to get herself in control more again. ]

Says the guy who just said he's becoming stronger so I can keep relying on him. [ Because those words were powerful too, Senji!

She fiddles with the ring on her finger again, before she takes it off entirely. Then she rolls it over the ground backwards towards him, that ring with the one-winged eagle on it. ]

.. That's why.. I'll rely on you to take care of this for me for a little bit. Battler onii-chan asked to meet up with 'Gretel' in a while. [ And while she could try to explain the arm band, she can't do the same about the one-of-a-kind ring. ]

[He sees the ring rolling past him a little, and he reaches out to grab it so it won't go any further. After he does so he brings his hand up to his face, slowly opening it and looking at the ring resting in his palm.

...It has that mark on it, that eagle, so this is something related to her family even? It must be really important and all so.... she's giving it to him? Aw man, he could feel his heart pounding against his chest and he cursed himself for feeling this way, he felt so impossibly vulnerable and he hated it.

This was way too weird for him.

But he still stayed with his back to her, not moving yet.]

Fine.... I'll keep it, but you will tell him you're Ange eventually, that kind of secret won't be kept here for long, I know it.

.. I guess we'll see.

[ She doesn't want to tell him. Or rather, she wants to, but she knows she shouldn't - so she won't. Even if it's true that someone might tell him sooner or later, but maybe she can just make up an excuse by then, or.. well, anything else. It's something to think of later. But Ange is just stubborn once she's set her mind on something, really, just like in this case.

And she should leave already to go see Battler, but.. whatever. Not like he'll realise how time passes here, it's impossible to tell without text for clocks. She can just claim she was right in time all along.

Just so.. until then, she can sit here for a little more, with him, their backs against each other..

A breath. ] Thanks, Senji.

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replies so fast before school

replies so you can read at school *u*

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replies so you can read at school u