entreats | ooc ⚜ ic inbox for havenrpg

[Dammit, this is exactly why he shouldn't have even done anything to get closer to her, in the end he'd have to tell her they had to stop and she would get hurt, yet again. Here in Haven it might be dangerous, but the main reason she's been hurt here and cried is all because of him, he's been the one that's been causing her pain. See, even in a place like this where there's hurt all around- he still manages to come out on top and surpass everything, becoming that one person that just hurts the people closest to him.

Has he really not changed at all? No, he has, he's changed a bunch, but he did it to protect himself, he did it so he wouldn't ever lower his own barriers and become as hurt and upset as he did seven years ago.

He pauses, not really saying anything for a while, he shifts his weight from one leg to the other, still just looking down at the ground. What kind of question is that? Honestly...]

....No.

[His brow furrows, and he actually looks angry here, but he's simply troubled.]

No, I'd say I like you a little too much, which is why I'm saying we shouldn't go any further.

I'm not right for you Ange... [his voice becomes low and soft as well.] ..There are far better guys out there for you, guys that aren't some selfish murderer that's too far gone to do anything normal ever again. You need someone to keep you grounded, not someone that keeps on fuckin' hurting you.

[He sounds bitter at that last sentence though, much more malice in it.]

[ At least it relieves a slight bit of the feeling. She was scared that it was just thast he in the end didn't like her like that after all, or even something worse than that, that he really was angry at her for some reason, but.. at least it's not that. He does like her too..

But even though they both like each other, he thinks they can't do it? So it's not like Ange can really feel happy just yet, she still feels so nervous, the tension here is really getting to her. It's like the balance of her happiness is on the line here, threatening to collapse any moment.

She tries to calm down. Deep breaths. But it definitely doesn't work. ]

'Not right'..?

[ She repeats the words slowly, and she goes quiet again. But a few moments after it she spins around to finally face him. There's almost something confused about her expression, something desperate, and it's at least definitely not her usual lineface she's showing. She doesn't care about keeping up that front right now either way. ]

What do you mean by that? You.. you're not a selfish murderer at all! [ Sure, she knows he's killed people, but she also knows the rest of his story, and even if he's bloodthirsty.. so what, he's still better than most of the people she's ever met in her world. ]

I wouldn't want some other guy, I'd want you..!

[So, she's still not getting it huh? Senji looks up from his spot on the ground, he stares down at her and his gaze is dangerous, it shows that he's not kidding around here- that he's not afraid to simply break this so neither of them will become more hurt in the end.

Maybe.... he really is being overly selfish here, since he feels so vulnerable, he doesn't like this feeling at all, he just wants to go back to being alone and killing things to satisfy that lonely and empty feeling inside.]

You'd want some freak that can form blades from his blood, really? You seriously don't care that I've made you cry several times before and that I've even cut you when my anger went out of control?

I just.... can't let you be with me, you deserve so much better.

[So then, why is the pain in his chest becoming amplified the more he tries to push her away? He doesn't want her to go, deep down he does want to be with her and he wants this to work, but he just can't allow her to be with him, he still thinks he's far too dangerous and not good enough for her.]

[ His gaze only makes her desperation worse. It's since it confirms her fear even further that everything can end here. It frightens her more than anything, making her breath stop in her throat for a moment or two even. She's almost close to begging him by now, really, just to beg him to please not do this to her.. it's such a pathetic thought and part of herself hates her for it. It's probably why she doesn't give into it despite her desperation.

Her hands form fists, as if she's still trying to hold on that way. ]

Do you think that I'd be here saying this if I really cared about any of that..?! I already told you last time that you make me happy, Senji..! J.. just you, it's in a way nobody else can! [ Sure, Battler might be here now, and sure, she might be slightly friendly with some other people here too now, but.. it's still different than whenever she talks to him.

As her tone's volume raises, she seems to for once completely have given up on controlling any part of herself and her emotions. Right now she's more open than ever. ]

I don't care whatever you think yourself, for me it's just fine if you're you..!

[She's really raising her voice about this, getting more and more desperate? Come on Ange, he's really not worth it, he doesn't think so anyways. Senji has always been running away from the person he used to be, he's been trying to desperately change himself because he hates how he used to be so much- and it's hard for him to even accept himself fully the way he is now. Sure, he prefers the way he is now much more than he was before but to think that he could ever be normal again? No way, he knows that there's no hope left for any Deadman.

He can only fight now, that's all he knows and all he can ever do, it's what he's good for- to fight until he can't anymore and even then he'll never give up.

When he sees her like this he really can't handle it anymore, he's causing her to get overly emotional yet again, and he can tell that he's hurting her. He clicks his tongue, moving to go towards the door.]

See? You say I make you happy but no matter what I end up hurting you. I can't.... do that to you anymore. So find someone else.

[As much as he wouldn't want her to... he really wants to be with her but he can't. He puts a hand on the doorknob and goes to turn it.]

[ .. No.. He's leaving now. He's at the door, he's really going to just walk away from this, walk away from her, and after this whole fiasco things will never be the same between them again. She wants to tell him that it's not true, even if she does get hurt it's because of this place and not him, and that he makes her more happy than anything during the times they just do things together, no matter how little, but.. she can't get any of that out. Her mind is too busy getting overwhelmed by a feeling she's had before.

And it doesn't take too long to realise where she's had that feeling before. That time she heard her family was dead. That moment where she can almost stop them yet in the end can't that repeats over and over in her dreams. When Battler had been staring at her with those soulless eyes, completely gone..

If she'll lose one more important thing like that, she'll break. It's like she's breaking already, a feeling much worse than being torn apart. ]

Senji, stop..! Don't leave me alone...! [ She practically screams it, honestly, and although her voice gets slightly less loud than that as she goes on, it's still obviously desperate and louder than usually. But that cry just now was one of pure desperation, as if he's on the verge of being killed rather than just touching a doorknob. ]

For twelve years I was in so much pain because I lost everything..! I didn't have anything to be happy about anymore, everyone just insulted me and wanted me dead, and.. I.. I really just wanted to die as well.. I didn't have a single thing to live for anymore back home, nothing at all.. and I knew everyone would have been happier either way if I died..!

[ Slowly but surely the words get a little more distorted though, as sobbing sneaks into her voice. She hics, and tears escape her eyes, falling down her cheeks. ]

But here it's different, since.. s-since I had you by my side all this time.. [ She closes her eyes, trying to blink away the tears, but it isn't working. They just keep flowing.. ] All this time I had nobody to talk to, I didn't have anyone at all to rely on..! It's since of you that it changed!

S.. so if you leave, then.. I.. [ .... ] I..! [ She can't even get any more words out than this. The sound of the sobbing coming from her drowns it all out. ]

[As soon as he heard her say those words, practically yelling at him, screaming at him to stop he can't find the strength to even turn the knob anymore. He stares at the wood, unable to turn around right away as he hears what she's going on about. The way her family died and she had been so impossibly lonely....? How she should have just died?

Well, aren't those words and feelings familiar?

He recalls that feeling so well, growing up and living and just trying to get by, just trying to go on and see the next day. It was horrible, he was always alone, no one ever really wanted to talk to that punk kid that started all those fights and was always in trouble. Then he became a cop, he felt like he was accepted within that little group of friends he had, the only friends he's ever had when he was growing up. Then that was all taken away, all because of him, he saw them all torn up and those images still haunt him.

He knows the feeling of just wanting to die, he knows what it's like to break down and cry, to beg and pray that this isn't real, that they need to come back and live instead of the person that relied on them the most. He finds himself so pathetic back then and since then he's been trying so hard to become something he isn't, to keep on moving and to live every day however the fuck he wants.

Being so close to Ange, liking her the way he does, it hurts him because he's so impossibly afraid that he'll mess up and that she'll die like the others had. Sure, in this place you can come back but what if she doesn't, then what? He'd be a mess already, he wanted to go back to just being... well, friends, but they're already too far gone here.

Slowly he turns to look to look at her, his eye growing wide as he stares at her form, crying and yet again he curses himself for causing this, for causing her so much pain that she's sobbing now. Dammit what should he do....?

He's frustrated, upset, angry, confused, bitter- all of the above right now he can barely take it. He's no good for her, he shouldn't be with her, this should have stopped long ago...!

And yet he's turning all the way, his body facing her fully and he's not even realizing what's going on here himself. He closes the distance between the two of them, reaching out to her he places a hand on the back of her head, and he simply leans in towards her, his lips crashing down on hes in a desperate kiss. He just.... couldn't take it anymore, his chest was hurting him so badly, he couldn't see her like this.

But then again... what she had been saying hit him hard since he understood those feelings so well. He was lonely too, he loved her too, so why the hell can't he ever be happy? Being a Deadman is a curse, not a blessing, no matter how much he talks about loving to kill things and cut stuff up, no Deadman is ever happy.

Dammit, he wants to be happy, and she should too.... so this is the result of all that pent up anger.

His kiss leaves much to be desired, he's never done anything like this before so he's rough, his mouth pressing against hers a little too hard, but he can't help it. He has his eye closed now, his heart pounding in his chest and he was sure it was going to break his ribcage. So... he tells her no then does this? Well, he always did tell people to keep moving forward, not to look back and keep on changing so.... time to own up to these feelings, even if he still thinks there are better people out there for her.]

[ She can hardly believe it's happening. Ange really thought he'd leave here, even though she was yelling at him so desperately it really did seem like he made up her mind, like he was just going to walk out like that. But it's not what happens. Instead she just stares at him, practically frozen, as he walks up closer and closer to her before he finally traps her lips in a kiss.

Her breathing completely stops as her mind tries to process the fact. Senji's lips are against hers. Senji stepped over to do this. Senji.. really is kissing her, despite what he said just now. At first she doesn't even kiss back, she's too surprised and confused by it, she didn't expect it at all. But it's nice, it's exactly what she wanted..

And she still can't stop her tears, although their nature has changed by now. She's not crying because of the pain, because of the hurt she has cropped up in her chest all these years, but it's from happiness. Because kissing her has to be his way of telling her that it's alright, right..? He can't leave after this, can he..?

Once her thoughts finally reach that point, she moves - just as clumsily and awkwardly as him, although it's not that it's too strong per se in the way she does it - to kiss him back. It's still somewhat prudish though, that's probably her main problem compared to his rough way right now. It still feels better than anything she ever imagined though..

.. Yes.. It's almost like she's becoming complete in just this moment. No matter how stupid it might look to anyone else. ]

[God.... what is he even doing? He asks himself this question but even so he can't stop kissing her, he finds it hard to pull away from her, his prude nature acting up here and yet he keeps on fighting it back down. He bring his other arm around her, his hand moving to go against her lower back, bringing her closer to him as he keeps on kissing her.

He feels her warmth against him, feels her soft lips, her body so impossibly close to his own it's enough to make his head spin. Actually, just thinking about all this he's feeling dizzy, simply lost in the kiss but he doesn't want to come up for air just yet.

Still, from all the feelings that had been passing through him he was out of breath from something like this, and eventually he pulled away, his breathing shallow, his eye still closed but he was still so close to her.]

Hah... I... [what can even be said?] I told you before... I'm no good so... are you sure?

[ She's breathing so heavily now because of all of this. Somehow kissing him is so exhausting, really, she can barely get air even now he's pulled away from her mouth.. or maybe it's just all the feelings that went into it, her outburst just earlier and then now finally all those feelings she's been holding in for a while flowing out of her and into him.

It's why she can only stand there and stare at him at first as he looks down at her, both of them still so close to each other. Even when he speaks up, she's quiet. But the answer to what he's saying comes quickly, she doesn't even have to waste a single moment thinking about it. He might say he's no good, but she definitely thinks he's plenty good - he's helped her out so many times, he's literally saved her life twice, and he's just.. nowhere nearly as bad of a person as he thinks he is.

He's great to her, either way.

It's why even though her breathing is still heavy, she moves her hands up until her arms are around his neck. It's slowly, but she's doing it. ]

Shut up.. [ A deep breath. ] If I wasn't sure.. then I wouldn't have done this to begin with..

.. You.. are all I want.

[ She honestly admits it, and with that she uses her hold on his neck to pull him down a little more again as she raises herself up on her toes to kiss him again, clumsily pressing her lips against his' once more, to get that same feeling from before back again. ]

[He's about to say something to her to protest, but then she just moves to bring him down again, pushing herself up and kissing him once more. There's a grunt against her lips but then he just eases into it, much more gentle than before, like he's slowly learning what to do here. Senji kisses her, and when he does he can feel all those emotions he had been trying to get rid of come right out, the fact that he likes her way too much- how he's even enjoying kissing her like this.

Dammit, he let himself get too close to her and now there's no turning back... oh well, not like he really wants to at this point anyways.

Senji pulls back from her again, taking in a breath before he moves to kiss the corner of her mouth, her cheek, and then her jawline, lazily placing kisses along her, his prude nature isn't showing here as much but he knows it will soon pop up. Between the kisses he speaks up though.]

You're crazy.... [a kiss along her neck, and he takes note when he does that he can feel her pulse.]

But I already knew that. [he smirks a little against her skin, still feeling unsure about this but he's trying.]

[ Oh god. She likes kissing him, she loves it, even.. it feels great, even though she never thought that she would be doing this with anyone ever. But now she is doing it, it really is amazing. They're both new at this, she knows it, but even so it feels great just to be this close to him, just to feel him against her. Ange is sure it wouldn't feel this great with anyone else, it must be the fact that it's him that makes it extra great.

But then she looks a little more confused when he pulls away.. but then he moves back to her, kissing her on other places instead of on her mouth. And while she kept herself fairly in control during the normal kiss, at this point her face actually starts coloring, her cheeks turning a deep pink. It's a little embarassing, yes, but maybe she's mostly just embarassed at how good it feels when he kisses her there, feeling his lips on all those places on her skin.. her hold on him becomes a little tighter when he kisses her on the neck. ]

N.. not like you mind that, right..? [ It sounds a little choked, but it's mostly just from how good and happy she's feeling right now. ]

[After all this is over he'll seriously be turning red too, no doubt about it at all. For now though he's content with this, he likes kissing her just as much as she does, and he's not really thinking about it being overly embarrassing. He can't believe it got to this point though, he never would have imagined...

Still, he can feel her tensing up and he wasn't too sure if she didn't enjoy that or if he was doing something right. Either way he pulled away from her neck.]

I told you I liked that about you before.

[He moves to kiss her on the lips again, closing his eye and bringing himself closer to her once more. However, Senji knows for a fact that in this nurse's office there's an old dusty bed located behind her, and so Ange might feel Senji pushing her back a little, indicating that's where he wants to go.

Of course, all he can do right now is kiss her, but he can barely stand from all these emotions he's had to deal with today.]

[ It doesn't take much for her to notice the hint. It's a tad slower than she normally would have noticed it, kissing him distracts her so badly - she's sure everything around them could collapse right now and she'd hardly notice it - but she gets it after that moment. And she slowly starts stepping back, too fond of the kiss to break it off so she just keeps kissing him as she steps. Ange has never been the most careful person either way.

Once she feels the back of her legs bump against the bed's side though she knows she has to pull away just for a moment to be able to actually sit down on it. She slowly (and almost relunctantly, like she really doesn't want to stop) pulls away from him for a moment, even giving him a tiny smile in the middle of the blush.

It's almost like she's going to say something, but instead she just makes an amused sound as she sits down and makes herself comfortable a little here. Her hands aren't around his neck anymore, but one hand is on his lower arm and tugging a little as if she's telling him to come on the bed as well. Not that he needs the incentive, but she might as well. ]

[....Ah, that smile. When he notices her smiling like that and blushing even, it takes the man a moment to even realize that she had already sat down on the bed and was tugging on his arm. He was simply staring at her, wondering if he was seeing things or what but... it really does seem like she's happy about this, that she does want to be with him.

To be honest, when he sees something like that and he thinks about it, it drives him to want to protect her even more, to never see her cry again and to keep her out of harm's way. She was.... really important to him, he couldn't exactly express it since he was never good with these kinds of things, hell, he's never even been close to a female before at all.

So when she tugs on his arm he nods, gulping a little as he goes to grab his black jacket, removing it and tossing it on the edge of the bed. He does have a shirt on underneath though, thankfully. Senji moves to get on the bed, and instead of sitting down on it he's moving to crawl on it a little, his lips already pressing against hers and he coerces her into laying down while he hovers over her, his lips against her own and he groans a little against her.]

[ .. Ah, he's even taking off his jacket here.. Somehow she's a little glad he at least still has a shirt on for once. Not that she hasn't seen him without, she's seen him without it so often by now, but she's often been embarassed by it too and the idea that his bare chest would be this close to her in that case.. it really is too much. But she trusts him here, even if they're kissing while they're lying down like this - he's not someone to go full out, just like her, so of course she's not scared or anything.

That shows, either way. Since she kisses him back the moment their lips meet again, and like that she slowly tries to move so she's lying more than she's sitting. It comes with a little difficulty in the middle of the kiss, but she manages. Ange's more or less lying flat on her back on the bed now with him hovering over her there - she's even staring up at him. ]

[Senji is staring down at her as well, and when he moves to say something to her he feels that necklace of his fall out of his shirt, dangling in front of her now. Oh oops.... he had found a chain somewhere here in Haven and he had put the ring she gave him on that, making it into a necklace.

...It was far too sappy to say he just wanted it on his person at all times so... Senji blinks as he stares at it, feeling flustered now for sure.]

Y...you wanted me to hold on to it so.... [so he really is trying to take good care of it!! basically... see, even before they got together he wanted to keep this close to him since it belonged to her.]

[ It takes her less than a split second to recognize it. Of course she immediately recognizes it, she's been wearing it for quite some time already - ever since her aunt died, and then in Asgard and now here too.. it's her ring, right? The one she told him to hold onto when she went to talk with Battler, and even though he knew who she was now she hasn't asked for it back. Maybe she just didn't think of it - that's most likely it.

But to see he actually put it on a chain like that, that he's actually wearing it on him all the time.. It must means he's been doing that for days already now, and he's been doing it even though he wanted to tell her they should stop getting this close.. stuff like this is exactly why she can't believe him when he says he's a bad guy. He's thoughtful where it counts, caring where it counts.. that's more than enough. ]

.. Yeah. You sure did. [ Finally she speaks up again. She's smiling again, she can't help it.. somehow the thought of him keeping it that close to him makes something in her chest feel warm. ] Thanks, Senji.. I knew I could trust you.

[ She refrains from saying anything too overly sappy about it, but just how happy she seems right now betrays what she feels about it either way. ]

[He's still a badass okay!!

Senji grunts a little when she says that, not looking at her eyes or anything now. He was feeling embarrassed by this point, totally, especially since he had something on his mind that he wanted to ask her.

He goes to bring a hand up to him, grabbing the ring on that chain and tucking it back where it had been before, hiding in his shirt before he speaks up.]

Yeah.... so... [fuck, how does he say this and not sound like a total pussy?] ....stay with me?

[basically that's the best way he can ask her if she'll be with him even though he told her not to.]

[ .. Geez. He got her on a bed with him hovering over her, he got her to smile and kiss him multiple times.. and then he still has to ask that? Although Ange can understand it a little, since he was insisting so much on them stopping this earlier, so he wants to make sure now.. and just in that, in all of this, she can notice how hard it must have been for him to say all those things too even though he wanted it this badly too.

So she immediately nods when he asks her. Right after, no hesitation. She confessed first, after all, she already made up her mind about this a bit ago. Her hands move up to his neck again, except this time it's to idly play a little with the chain even if the rest of it is back in his shirt. ]

I'll stay with you. [ And then softer, almost a little more embarassed but still genuinely-- ] .. There's nothing I'd want more than that.

[Shit... he feels so embarrassed now, his face flushes a little too when he hears her saying those words. Never in a million years did he ever think he could influence someone this much, so much that they wanted to even be in a relationship with him...

Senji nodded, basically hinting that he wanted the same from her, even though he was so unsure about this, he was feeling so strange and awkward but... he'd ... try and make it work since she wanted it so badly.

Senji moved a little, he brought his body down slightly so they were much closer, he even felt her chest pressing against his own and it made his heart skip a beat, but there was a reason for this. He felt even more compelled to protect her, he felt like he needed to make sure she was safe at all times, even now he felt so vulnerable but he wanted to keep her safe, even when she's underneath him.]

Then.... I'll... protect you, got it? [what are feelings, it's so hard to say shit stuff out loud.]

[ He's so close now.. honestly, her own heart is still pounding rapidly too, especially when he's leaning this close to her. Just his presence is enough to do this to her now, apparently. And she stares up at him as she hears him slowly speak up again, almost breathless.

He'll.. protect her, huh..? Normally she wouldn't easily let people do it, she's much too independant for it. She wants to do everything by herself, she was to prove she can fight by herself too, but.. this is different. If it's Senji, then maybe she won't mind as much, since she knows he's just doing it too so the two of them can stay together no matter what.

Besides, it's not like she can deny that it does feel safe like this. Him being so close to her, on top of her even.. there's no way anyone could hurt her right now. ]

.. Yeah. Even if I was already relying on you to begin with. [ In other words, she'll let him protect her, yes. ] Just.. don't push me away again. [ That's the only thing that scares her the most, really, like he tried to do earlier.. and even that time when he made her go back inside when the monsters were there, it'd be much less worrying if she could at least stay near him to make sure nothing bad is happening to him either. Not that she worries about his strength, but it's more.. how generally unpredictable this place is. ]

[When she says that he just stares at her for a moment, thinking about her words. Yeah, he shouldn't have been pushing her away, he really couldn't do it now anyways- even though there's something in the back of his mind that keeps telling him he's not good enough, that he's too dangerous for her, that because of him she might get seriously hurt.

He just keeps pushing that little voice down, and he swallows thickly, nodding at her words. He doesn't say anything else though, he moves down to her, his lips pressing against her own and he hums against her, sending vibrations running through both him and her. This was all so new to him, he's never done anything like this before- hell he's never even touched another girl before Ange, so this was definitely a leap for him.]

[ It's definitely new to her too, really - they're both so hopeless at this. Senji is the first guy she's liked this way, he's the first one who she allowed to be this close to her, just.. being on the same bed with her, and even leaning close to her and kissing her.. she doesn't mind if it's him, even if it's still a little embarassing. She trusts him.

And it's why she kisses him back, something eager in it despite said embarassment. Like she really does want him, that she's glad it ended like this instead of with him truly pushing her away. Like this, even if it's in this place, she can be happy, right? Her brother is here, he knows who she is, and Senji is now together with her, not to mention the friends she's made.. it's all she needs. Who cares if the world would collapse tomorrow, right now in this moment she's perfectly happy with his lips against hers.

Her hands move to the top of his head, slowly running through his hair just a little bit. ]

[When Senji feels her hands moving through his hair he groans a little against her, enjoying both the touch and the kiss. He was surprised with himself, actually, he was getting into this more than he had thought he would have. He was such an intense prude, even the mention of a woman would set him into some sort of fit, but here it was different, here he was with someone he could say he actually cared for.

The kissing goes on for a while but he feels the need to breathe, he feels like his head is so dizzy right now from everything that's just happened, so eventually he pulls away from her, his breathing a little shallow. He's not far from her though, he's still just staring down at her and he just... can't believe any of this.

...Where else could he kiss? Where else was he allowed to kiss? He frowned a little at the thought, his gaze moving off to the side.]

Y....you liked it when I... kissed your neck, right? [sdkdsds so awkward, but he's making sure! he's really never done this before so it's all totally new.]

You're gonna have to tell me what you like s...so I know...

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